06-30-08

My In-laws are the "keeper of the grave." Let me just tell you, they do a really good job of it too. Every holiday, there is a thematically coordinated set of flowers that satisfy my appreciation for aesthetics and also look surprisingly real. Christmas is especially spectacular with the tree and ornaments and grave cover. And there is no doubt that they are singularly responsible for the grass that grows where there had been nothing but dirt in the days and weeks after the burial.
Me? Not so much. And it's my son's grave! I'm sure they wonder who is going to give theirs the same devoted attention when they eventually die. But it probably won't be me. I'm sure they have resigned themselves to that by now.
I know people have different needs and different ideas of what is helpful in their grief, but the truth is, it makes me incredibly sad to go out there and stand over his earthly body and read the dates on the grave marker. All I can think about is his body being in a cold, wet grave when I know his spirit is with the Lord.
And I think about the day we lost him when all I could do was sob, "My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby over and over again. I couldn't stop saying it and I couldn't stop sobbing. I was inconsolable. We all were.
I think about that most grievous of moments at other times, but for some reason it is especially fresh when I stand at his grave. When I'm not there I don't dwell on the excruciating pain and loss. Rather, I wonder what he is doing, what indescribable sights he is seeing and who he is talking to. I delight in thinking about how he is helping the Lord decorate my mansion because they both know my taste. I smile when I think about him waiting expectantly and being the first one to meet me when it is my turn to cross the veil.
When I am engulfed in grief and loss and missing him so much I think my heart will simply stop beating, I make myself think about God's greatest gift to me this side of salvation. It happened the day he died. We were driving back from Norman where we had picked up Jacob and told him his brother, whom he'd just seen that morning, had survived the emergency surgery only to die in "recovery. "
It was late at night as we headed back to Tulsa and thunderstorms were raging. There had been a couple of tornadoes up and down the turnpike. I sat in the back seat of Jay's best friend's truck with Jacob's head on my shoulder trying to comfort him. When he finally stopped sobbing I turned and stared out the black window that was being pelted by an angry storm. Suddenly, there flying an arms length from the truck, I SAW JORDAN! His spirit, I mean. But I saw him! Oh my gosh. There is almost no way to describe it! He radiated the shekina glory of God. I know what it looks like, folks, and it is brilliant and golden and translucent and it radiates from within your entire being ! He radiated pure joy. None of us, in our best moments, have expressed what I saw at that moment. As he flew alongside the truck, arms stretched above his head, he gave me two thumbs up. His spirit spoke to mine as I'm sure we will all communicate in heaven and said, "Can you believe this mom?!"
And he was so happy! I have never seen that kind of joy. I laughed because he was so happy and free from his poor, tired body. I looked at him with tears running down my cheeks and pressed my hand against the window and said, spirit to spirit, "I love you, Jordan!"
He looked at me like I had just told him the sky was blue and said, "I know mom! I love you too!" There was the shared amusement of stating the obvious. We looked at each other and laughed. It was so unbelievable. And memorable. And healing.
And do you know what? The best part about it all is that I know it was real and not just the hallucinations of a grieving mother. How, you ask? Because he looked just like he would have looked if he had never had the transplant! His face was lean and smooth. There was no puffiness from the steroids. His hair was soft and thick and curly just like it was before the drugs made it course and dark and thin. He was ALIVE. Radiant. Oh my gosh! He was more alive than any living soul on this planet!
So I don't like to go out there. I can't stand to think about the physical reality when I have seen the spiritual reality. Ah! And the latter is much more comforting!
I miss him every single day. More as time goes by. It is often the moments of remembering his present reality that get me through the unspeakable loss.
(I love you son!)

06-13-08

For some reason I keep thinking about that madman in Austria who kept his own daughter prisoner under his house in a sealed dungeon of sorts and repeatedly raped her for 24 torturous years. She had seven children by her own father, six of whom lived, and three of whom his inconceivably unsuspecting wife raised.
The story is horrific beyond belief and that alone would be enough to keep it on my mind long after it has left the pages of the newspapers.
But it was his statement to the police that undid me. He said, "I'm not a monster! I could have killed all of them any time I wanted to, and I didn't."
When the story first broke, all I could think about was how long the abuse lasted. He was 74 when he was arrested and it had gone on for an unimaginable 24 years. That means it began when he was 50. I kept wondering at what point in his life the first thought occurred to him. And I wondered what he did with it. Did he reject it? Was he horrified by it? Then I wondered at what point he began to embrace, encourage and entertain what obviously became a recurring thought.
James 1:14-15 lays it all out pretty clearly: "But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death."
That is exactly what happened. His unbridled, untamed thoughts led to fantasies, which led to plans, which at some point he carried out all for the sake of satisfying his depraved lust. I'm sure there was a moment in time when all he could think about was "the plan." What I can't figure out is how he began to justify it all to himself in his own mind.
And now he tells the world he isn't that bad of a person because he didn't kill them? Is that what deception does to people? Yes. That's exactly what deception does to people. It leads them to justify their behavior and minimize their sin, at all times, at any level.
And the Lord had the audacity to tell me I do the same thing! Not only do I minimize my sin in my own mind, even when I do acknowledge it, I often presume on His grace! "Here we are again God, I was wrong, You'll forgive me, no need to make a big stinkin' deal out of it, right? Besides, I'm really sorry."
If I truly believed, even with the incomprehensible gift of grace extended to those who believe, that on the other side of every sin--every sin--lies a just hell punishment meted out by a fair and righteous Judge, perhaps I would look at my sin differently. We know the believer is not going to suffer the punishment of hell. Our sins are forgiven. What an awesome gift! But if we don't treat our sin as hellishly serious, we are presuming on grace. And if we really understood and believed that, how much differently might we treat not only our sin, but His grace?
In various verses in the book of Proverbs alone, our hearts are described in these tragic terms: wicked, cunning, perverse, deceitful, evil, unwashed, disloyal, straying, stubborn, dull, foolish, proud, crooked, raging, envious, destructive, heavy and hard.
Wow. How utterly tragic. That's what God has to say about all of us, not just that wacko in Austria.
But there is hope, and it comes from God, who is the only source of hope. He leads us into paths of righteousness for His name's sake. He renews our mind. He tells us the truth. He IS the truth! How desperately I need Him!
Here is my prayer for myself and my prayer for all of you in abbreviated form from, "The Valley of Vision: a Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions:
"O Spirit of God, If Thou seest in me any wrong thing encouraged, any evil desire cherished, any delight that is not Thy delight, any habit that grieves Thee, any nest of sin in my heart, then grant me the kiss of Thy forgiveness, and teach my feet to walk in the way of Thy commandments.
"Deliver me from carking care, and make me a happy, holy person; help me to walk in the separated life with firm and brave step, and to wrestle successfully against weakness; teach me to laud, adore and magnify thee, with the music of heaven, and make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to Thee.
"I do not crouch at Thy feet as a slave before a tyrant, but exult before Thee as a son with a Father.
"Give me power to live as Thy child in all my actions, and to exercise sonship by conquering self. Preserve me from the intoxication that comes with prosperity; sober me when I am glad with a joy that comes not from Thee.
"Lead me safely on to the eternal kingdom, not asking whether the road be rough or smooth.
"I ask only to see the face of Him I love, to be content with bread to eat and raiment to put on, until I can be brought to Thy house in peace." Amen.

06-11-08

Well, I turned 50 today. FIFTY! I can't believe I'm actually as old as it seems like my parents aught to be, and I can't believe I got here so quickly. I think I might have skipped a decade somewhere along the way, but when I look back, they all appear to be present and accounted for. It's a mystery...
My husband says he can't believe he is sleeping with a fifty year-old woman and, quite frankly, neither can I.
It's been an interesting ride, and like all of you and everyone who has ever lived, no doubt, it has been filled with unexpected delights, unexpected heartache, thrills, chills, spills and a hint of Vaudeville.
In it all and through it all, whether I knew it or acknowledged it at the time or not, there was one constant. God was there. Not one moment of my life, not one thought in my mind, not one attitude of my heart, not one desire or ambition or need or hurt or longing or anything about me escaped His omniscient awareness. Not one!
There is a Scripture the Lord has brought repeatedly to my mind today through various means. Because it has been brought to my attention over and over again, I am convinced He wants me to absorb it and meditate on it and understand it and embrace it and breath it and believe it in the very core of my being. It is Psalm 139:7-18 and it reads:
"Where can I go from Thy Spirit? Or where can I flee from Thy presence? If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, Thou art there. If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Thy hand will lead me, and Thy right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,' even the darkness is not dark to Thee, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to Thee.
"For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.
"How precious are Thy thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand."
Wow! And the best part is, it's all true! The great God of all creation, the maker of heaven and earth, the immortal, invisible, incomprehensible, eternal One loves me with an everlasting love! It will probably take all of eternity for me to properly absorb it, it's so unbelievable!
I marvel with David, shake my head in disbelief, when he asks in Psalm 8:4, "What is man, that Thou dost take thought of him? And the son of man, that Thou dost care for him?"
And yet God declares over and over again in a hundred different ways that we are, "the apple of His eye." Amazing. Beautiful. Incomprehensible. Healing.
There is more on my heart. Much more. There always is! But I think that will be all for this particular therapy session. 'Till next time.....

05-28-08

My, my, my. It has been too long since I chatted with you last. I promise to do better now that things should be slowing down a bit, but they have been busy up 'till now. A week long trip to NYC with my friend Vicki and her family, a family wedding in Durham, North Carolina, and our short but entirely fabulous, God-driven, 3-day trip to Rome, Italy, with Jacob and Jessie.
By the way, I simply must mention that Jacob graduated Magna cum Laude on May 10th from the University of Oklahoma with a degree in "multidisciplinary studies," which is a smorgasbord of science credits. I am as proud of him as a parent could possibly be.
God has an interesting way of redeeming things. I have always regretted that I was such a pitifully poor student from kindergarten on and completely pissed away my college experience, so I am grateful that two of my three kids are excelling beyond my wildest hopes. This is obviously their father's side of the gene pool...
Before we left for Italy I was over at Kristen and Tara's and picked up a book that was lying on a counter in the kitchen.
I know I mention them a lot in this blog and it has nothing to do with the fact that they actually read the darn thing. It's just because once we began circling in each other's orbit, the sheer gravitational pull of our spiritual passions and purposes has kept us circling ever closer to one another.
They became roommates about a year or so ago, but because I already have one, I only get to visit once a week.
Anyway, on one such visit I picked up a book and flipped through it as I was waiting for them to stop flitting around so we could get down to business. And there is always business, but the business is always fun because we are actively helping each other pursue the call of God on our lives in practical ways. Like them setting up this blog and posting the three two-minute video clips of me on You Tube. Ha! That cracks me up! I'm on You Tube! The goal is to help provide a broader scale of opportunities to speak words of life, love, hope, help, truth and comfort to hurting Christians.
I readily admit I have been the greater recipient of these get togethers thus far, but one thing I did learn in kindergarten all those many long year ago was to share so their turn to reap what they are sowing is coming soon.
But back to the book. It's titled, "Hidden in Plain Sight: the Secret of More," by Mark Buchanan. I had never heard of him before and, quite frankly, the subtitle, to my mind, made it stink of the "prosperity gospel."
Nothing could have been further from the truth. It is a very readable exposition of the seven virtues outlined in 2 Peter 1:5-7 I'll save you the trouble of looking it up and type it out for you. "Now for this very reason also, (The reason being, is explained in vss.3-4, 'seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness...in order that you may become partakers of the divine nature...') applying all diligence in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, Christian love."
Simple enough, right?
Too bad it's not simple, because in verse 8 and 10 God makes an extraordinary promise. He says, "For if these qualities are yours and increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." But verse 10 is even more astonishing. It declares, "For as long as you practice these things you will never stumble."
Did I read that right? I'll never stumble? Really? Then I'm doing something wrong, because I stumble all the time! And yet God Himself has given me a seven dose prescription for never stumbling! This is mind-boggling. We are cautioned against making absolute statements like "always" and "never" and yet God makes the most incredible absolute statement of them all! He states quite clearly, "YOU WILL NEVER STUMBLE!"
Wow. Who is the God who sees me?
"The heavens cannot contain Him. The whole earth is full of His glory." He is a God who reveals Himself. "In Scripture, we meet the God of revelation. In worship, and prayer we meet God in Spirit and in Truth. In creation, we meet Him through His handiwork."
Psalm 34:8 rightly says, "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!"
He is leading and protecting me. He is telling me the way I need to go if I want to ensure that I never stumble. Incredible. Astonishing. Thrilling.
I gave the book back last night and quite honestly, from this point on I don't recall where his thoughts end and mine begin, or are mixed together with his, but none-the-less, I want to share them with you. Where I am sure it's Mark Buchanan talking I will put it in quotes.
"The knowledge of God is the most important knowledge of all." Knowledge about Him--of Him. "You can know, like the teacher in Ecclesiastes, all there is to know, and find it all meaningless. But to know 'the One in whom you have believed' is saving knowledge." The pearl of great price. The hidden treasure for which a man will sell everything to buy the field. The thing every human being yearns for on the most primitive level and only realizes he's found once he's actually grabbed a hold of it.
He talks about each one of the seven attributes and why they build on each other. I was especially zeroed in on self-control since that is, right now at least, my weakest link in the chain and the one which affects all the others.
He writes, "Self-control is a trained capacity to think clearly about what matters most. It is a disciplined attentiveness to what God has done and is doing. A heightened sensitivity to spiritual reality, including a shrewd awareness of how the devil seeks to play havoc with us. It's about paying attention."
"The purpose of self-control is to make us holy as God is holy."
Now there's a concept.
Holy as God is holy. And never stumbling in the process. I just can't get over that!
One last disjointed thought: "The practice of dying to yourself is most often worked out in the mundane more than the heroic. It's often the retort or self-vindication you don't speak. The key is to take you complaints to God before you take them to anyone else."
Hosea 6:3 says, "So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth."
Come to me, Lord. Rain on me. Rain--no, don't just rain, drench me in faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and Christian love.
Help me to cultivate and increase in these attributes so that I will never stumble and will be fully equipped to faithfully fulfill Your call on my life. Amen.

05-12-08

My seventy-nine year old neighbor died suddenly Saturday. She was at the flea market with her daughter, suffered a massive stroke, was rushed to the hospital and died a few hours later.
We'd been good neighbors to one another for eighteen years; polite, egg borrowing, mail gathering, house watching neighbors. We'd chat if we both took our trash to the curb or picked up our newspapers at the same time. She never wanted to be a bother and I tried not to bother her unless I needed that egg or my phone line was down and I needed to use hers.
After her husband died from the effects of Alzheimer's a couple of years ago Jay was good about helping her with heavy lifting and I took her food occasionally if I had extra and thought she might like what I'd made.
But I never invited her to church and I never shared Jesus with her. Oh, I talked about Him. She knew we were regular church goers. After Jordan died I told her I knew he was with the Lord and she said she thought her husband Bill must be too, because he was "a good man." I didn't dispute the fact, but I didn't press the matter either, asking her, "What is good?" Nor did I tell her, "There is none good but God alone." Or explain the truth that, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I never shared with her how she could be assured she would be with the Lord when she died.
And as I was trying to have my prayer time today, I knew that I had done her a grave disservice. I had neglected to "Love my neighbor as myself." My literal neighbor. I stood silent and mute as she walked in darkness. I kept a bushel basket over my light.
I was sick at heart as I felt the Lord's deep grief over my neglect and I know that I will have to give an account to Him one day. I can only stand even more ashamed than I am right now when He asks me why I never told Shirley about the salvation I hold to be more valuable than life itself.

When I was in NYC this past week, we had VIP passes to "Good Morning America." I was really interested in seeing the studio and seeing how a television show is put together. We had no idea who was scheduled to appear, we just showed up at the appointed date and time.
Turns out Clay Aiken was there, having just come out with a new CD and wrapping up his run in the Broadway production of "Spamalot."
We were scrunched in, standing shoulder to shoulder with pushing hordes of ardent, swooning "Claymates." Who knew this odd subset of society existed?
They were mostly middle-aged or older--old enough to be his mother or grandmother--and certainly old enough to have more important things to do with their lives and time than follow this young man around. At least it seemed to me they should.
I couldn't get over their idol worship. No pun intended. They talked about him as if they knew him, as if they had just had spam and eggs with him that morning.
At one point someone on the set held up a set of keys and asked if they belonged to anyone in the crowd. The woman next to me said, "They're probably Clay's!" She wasn't quite blushing, but I had the distinct impression that she knew more about him than his mother. I looked at her with a mildly bemused expression and said, "Does he lose things?" She became as animated as a Disney cartoon and said, "Oh, yes, he loses things all the time."
All I could think was, how does she know this and why does she care?
It reminded me of when we were in Memphis last year for part of our vacation and went to visit Graceland. Unbeknownst to us, it was "Elvis week." Not only was it Elvis week, we had inadvertently gone on the actual 30th anniversary of the day he died!
I can't even describe the scene. There were elaborate and homemade funeral sprays lining the long walkway up to the house and surrounding his grave. They seemed endless and they came from all over the world. The crowd was enormous; there were people everywhere. The place was packed, the lines were long, the ticket booth overrun, the parking lot jammed with tour buses.
There were men of all shapes and sizes dressed in white jumpsuits with giant gold buckles and black pompadours and woman with wrinkles, bouffants and bad make-up wearing Elvis buttons and t-shirts that said, "Number One Fan!"
A lot of people said they come every year, that it is especially beautiful at Christmas. Excuse me? I wasn't getting it.
The entire experience was surreal and quite frankly, depressing. The guy had been dead for thirty years and people were holding vigil at his grave praying to his spirit and waiting for him to come back from the dead. I'm not making any of this up.
It was shocking and bizarre and the entire experience made me realize with a clarity I had never had before that people are created to worship. And if they don't worship "in spirit and in truth" they will worship in misguided deception. And whether they worship an ideology, a movement, themselves or someone else, make no mistake. They will worship something. I wanted to shout to these people that there was only One who had died and come out of the grave.

By God's rich and unsurpassed grace, I walk in the "mystery of the Gospel" Paul refers to in Ephesians. I am saved. I know the truth. I know in Whom I have believed. I posses, in my spiritual hands, the pearl of great price.
But I dishonor God if I hold on to it and don't make every effort to share it with those in my sphere of influence.
In John 14:15 the Lord says, "If you love Me, you will keep my commandments." He confirms this Scripture in 1 John 4:20-21 where he reminds us, "If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he can see, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also."
I am deeply convicted of how empty my proclamations of love for God sound to Him if I am not doing every thing I can--setting aside my discomfort and my schedule and dying to my flesh--in order to reach the lost with the hope of the Gospel. If I "hate" my neighbor by not proclaiming the gift of salvation that alone offers the fulfillment every person seeks and the eternal destiny we all desire. I pray that each of us who names the name of Christ will proclaim that name to everyone we come in contact with.
I don't want anymore missed opportunities. "Help me Lord, to speak boldly for You, to reach those You love with an everlasting love and died to set free from the bondage of sin."

05-01-08

MAY-DAY! MAY-DAY! Or, if you prefer, happy May 1st. It's been a very long time since I've swung around a Maypole. The one on the Cassidy school grounds was much too close to the lake and if you lost your grip at the wrong time, well, you went swimming. In your uniform.
I'm sorry, is it just me or did we celebrate Christmas just last month? It seems so to me and here we are writing May 1 on our checks already. What happened to February? Or March or April for that matter? My life is flashing before my eyes in 24-hour increments. It wouldn't be so bad except I'm not sure how many of them I have left.
It's very motivating. I'm starting to care less about finally getting my basement fixed up (but it's going to happen!) than I am about accomplishing all God has in mind for me to further His kingdom.
To that end I am attending a Kay Arthur seminar in OKC this weekend to help me learn to study the Bible with a more in-depth approach. The goal is two-fold. The first is to enhance my personal study time. I love the Bible study I am in but I am virtually salivating for better ways to dig the nuggets of wisdom and truth out of God's living, breathing word. Secondly, I want the effect of goal one to have a positive influence on my teaching.
We (my friend Ana and I) will return on Saturday night and then I am flying out way too early on Sunday morning to spend a week in NYC with my friend Vicki. Her husband has to be there for a week of training and since I fly free she asked if I wanted to come play in the big city with her while her husband worked. Did I? Hello! Ummm. Affirmative.
All of this to say I might be out of pocket for a while. I don't know if I will have the time or opportunity to write in NYC. I will if I can. If not, I will jot down my thoughts and write them out when I get home.
Meanwhile, I want to encourage each of you to spend a few minutes every day in purposeful prayer. It might be sitting silently in His presence. It might be pouring out your heart in petition or confession. It might be praying Scripture over yourself or someone you love. Whatever. Just make an appointment with your Heavenly Father. Then keep it.

04-30-08

I must confess that I am genuinely shocked, flattered, pleased and motivated by the number of you who have told me you are reading and enjoying this blog. The majority of you don't post your comments, which is fine, but e-mail or tell me in person. Thank you. It's very gratifying. I was born to write so I would write even if no one else read the blog or anything else I peck out, but it is certainly affirming to realize you are. So thank you again.
I guess I'm going to have to tell Tara and Kristen they were right. If you recall, they were the ones who helped me set it all up and have encouraged me to continue writing and posting. I was telling one of you in an e-mail today that when I went to Thailand it seemed important to write. I felt like I was reporting. That I was taking all of you on a virtual journey with me. But to just sit and peck out my thoughts and comment on what God is doing in my life didn't seem like it would have the same impact or appeal. You have no idea how blessed I am to know God is using the gift He has given me to communicate with all of you whom I love! My hope is that we will inspire each other into a deeper walk with our gracious Savior.
If there are specific things you would like to ask about--personal or otherwise--let me know and I will try and address them. It would certainly help direct my ramblings. Sometimes I have a thought I want to share and other times, like now, I just type and wait to see what shows up on the computer screen!
The two Bible studies I was involved in have just ended. In CBS (Community Bible Study) we systematically studied the Gospel of Matthew for 32 weeks. It was fabulous. It's incredibly beneficial to study God's word with others because people always have delicious insights that never occurred to you and the energy and excitement seem to build during the discussion of God's marvelous truth.
My friend Ana, from our church, initiated Beth Moore's 12-week study of the book of Daniel. I was never a huge fan of Beth. There is something about her that used to irritate me a bit. But truthfully, there's probably some professional jealousy involved because I would much rather be doing what she's doing than watching her do it, but she's growing on me and this particular study was fabulous. If you have a chance to participate, I'd highly recommend it.
Studying two such seemingly different books as an Old Testament book with confusing time line issues and a Gospel made me realize once again the incredible layering and continuity of Scripture. It was like a puzzle gradually taking shape as it was worked from both sides and each piece was put precisely in place.
I know you already know this, but our God is AWESOME! Staggering. Mind-boggling. Brilliant. Incomprehensible. Yet He loves us with an indescribable, almost unfathomable love and He cares about the smallest details of our puny lives. I understand David's flabbergasted question in Psalm 8:4 when he asks, "What is man, that Thou didst take thought of him? And the son of man, that Thou didst care for him?" Indeed. Indeed.
Probably my all time favorite Scripture--and this is a hard and subjective call--is found in Isaiah 40:18-26. I won't type it all out here. Read if for yourself. But I will write out the last two verses of that passage.
"'To whom then will you liken Me that I should be his equal?' says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see who had created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power not one of them is missing."
When I was with Youth With A Mission way back when, the first missionary trip I went on was to La Paz, Mexico, on the tip of the Baja Peninsula. We we slept in tents and at night the only light in the pitch black campground was whatever your dim flashlight could produce. Trust me when I say the sky was black. I mean as black as the velvet on a sidewalk Elvis painting. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.
I used to take my flashlight and walk out past the campground to a large concrete slab whose purpose was never clear. I would lay on my back and look into the vastness of space and see more stars than I've ever seen before or since. They filled the sky! I saw countless pin pricks of blue-white light that were farther away than I could conceive. I saw the wispy white spiral of the Milky Way. It was always so incredibly awe inspiring I'd burst into spontaneous worship. The tears tickled as they ran down into my ears but I couldn't stop worshipping the Lord. There have only been a few times when I have felt His presence as closely as I did in those moments. It was like I was touching Him.
The first night I lay on that slab, I ran back to the campground, my heart bursting within me. I asked the Lord to speak to me. Oh, how I wanted this God I had just felt so intimate with to talk to me!
I grabbed my Bible and ran to the only building in the campsite that had electric light. I prayed again and opened my Bible right to the passage above. I'd never read it before. There is no way on earth to describe the electric bolt that shot through me at that instant. God talked right to little bitty me!--specifically and pointedly--and let me know that He was so big and vast and mighty and incomprehensible that He had named every single one of those stars I had just been marvelling over. Incredible. And all I could see was one tiny sliver of the vastness of space. There are galaxies upon galaxies. I personally think the stars outnumber the sands on the sea shores.
Think of it. There are more stars than we can fathom and God tells us TWICE in Scripture that He names them all. Psalm 147:4 says, "He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to them all." Wow. If He is capable of that, could anything be too hard for Him?
Could my sin? No, He's made provision for it to be forgiven and remembered no more. He remembers the names of the stars, but not my sin. Incredible!
Can a stronghold? No, He tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:4 "The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful of the tearing down of strongholds." Astonishing!
How about unbelief? No, like the demon possessed boy's father in Mark 9:24, all we have to do is say, "I do believe; help me in my unbelief." Reassuring!
Provision of practical needs? Well, He calls Himself Jehovah Jirah, our Provider, and declares that He clothes the fields and feeds the sparrows. And surely, He does. He also reminds us we are infiniately more important than any other created thing. Comforting!
So what then? What is too hard for our God? We all know the answer. I guess the better question is: "What have I been pretending is too hard for Him?" Whatever it is, it's a lie.
I'm not sure how to end this except to say we all need to understand Who it is we serve. The great and mighty God of heaven and Creator of everything seen and unseen.
I know exactly what I need to take and lay at His feet. What about you?