It's a Bittersweet Symphony, This Life!

The oldest of all my nieces and nephews is getting married tonight and I am finding it to be surprisingly bittersweet. Jordan was the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family and, at 27 if he had lived, would surely be married by now.

I have never known a kid to talk about what kind of girl he would marry and how many children they would have as much as Jordan did. From the time he was two it was on his mind and in his thoughts and conversations. Seriously.

I am thrilled for Josh and Ashely and wish them all the best. I am surprised and a bit miffed by my melancholy. I don't often think about what Jordan missed out on in this life, because I know he is enjoying a glorious one heaven and wouldn't come back if he could.

But life is for the living and since I am still listed among them, I am sad for what he missed out on and, as a result, the rest of us have missed out on as well.

When these moments come, I make myself think back to the night he died, when the Lord allowed me to see his spirit outside of the truck window on the drive back from picking up Jacob in Norman.

Oh, I have never witnessed such joy in all my life! It doesn't exist in this realm. It radiated from within him, along with the golden, iridescent Shiknah glory of God! He was so incredibly happy! Thrilled. Ecstatic. Joy inexpressible.

He was only there a moment, flying just outside my window and keeping pace with the truck, but I will never forget it. It was the greatest gift God has ever given me outside of my salvation. He was healthy and whole and looked like he would have if he had never had the transplant! That's why I know the experience was real.

Just the memory of seeing him lifts my spirits! Tonight I will rejoice!