Friday, August 28, 2009

The Circle of Life

Jacob left yesterday for Nashville, Tennessee, to live the next chapter in this adventure called life. He rented a U-Haul and loaded up all his earthly possessions, 85% of which were books. Another 12% was clothes and the last 3% was a blender, a George Foreman grill, a laundry basket and a few sundry items for establishing a household. He will certainly need more.
He will be there for two years working with RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) as, essentially, a missionary to a college campus. The fact that he is going to Belmont, which is a Christian university, should scream something about the state of Christ- ianity in America, but I will save that for another post.
There is a distinct melancholy that is drifting around my heart and threatening to settle there. But I won't let it. It has been so won- derful having him use our home as his "base" for the last 15 months since graduating from OU. From here he traveled the world and went on incredible adventures in between waiting tables at a local upscale restaurant.
Which is one of the things that makes this so hard. I got used to having him around again! And now I am going to have to get used to him being gone. And not just to Norman this time, but to Nashville, which the last time I checked my atlas, is not exactly next door. He won't be popping in for Sunday dinner!
I must say, I am incredibly thankful to the Lord for how short the season was where Jacob was caught up in severe legalism and wouldn't speak to me. It nearly broke my heart.
But I have always said God redeems everything, and He redeemed that very difficult six months by allowing him to live here for the past 15 while he got ready for the internship.
We have had so many wonderful conversations and arguments (in the truest sense of the word, not the angry sense) about the theology and doctrines of Scripture. It fed something in me for which I am deeply thirsty and I will miss that most of all.
We have encouraged one another as we were both needing God to provide financially for our needs. His need was for the internship and mine is to increase the book order. Seeing him receive his provision has bolstered me to stand in faith for mine.
So I am sad. But only for myself. Not for him. It is as it should be. This, after all, was the goal all along! To raise productive members of society and children who love and serve the Lord. By some mysterious miracle of God's grace, we have done that. I always said my job as a mother was to work myself out of a job. Mission accomplished.
After all, if he were 35 years old, still living at home, still waiting tables, and had three children by three different women, with me doing his laundry and paying for car repairs and who knows what else this would be an entirely different blog entry! (My dad used to say, "You can come back, but you can't breed and come back.")
So we are finished for the most part with the task God gave us. Still, make no mistake that that doesn't mean the satisfaction isn't tinged with some sadness.
It won't last long. He will call. We will e-mail. I'll write. He will come home to visit even though he will likely never live under our roof again. He will meet a woman and marry and add another to the puzzle pieces of our family, and even more pieces when he has children.
I'll be busy and distracted with the books.
So mostly I am thrilled for the call of God on his life, for his obedience to it and excitement in it. I am curious how this chapter is going to influence the next one and so on.
He will be home this Thanksgiving for his cousin's wedding and again for Christmas, I hope. We have Jay's flight benefits so I can see him when our schedules allow. I know all of that. It's not goodbye for the rest of this life like it was with Jordan.
But still. It's going to be different from now on. And the way life usually works is once I get used to that change, it will be different again!
Thankfully these melancholy spells don't last long. And always, God is good.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

Wow Catherine-or as Otis says Kate!--this is the first time I have really REALLY taken time to read your blog...I need to do a blog-something-like in the movie we recently saw "Julie and Julia" she blogged while she cooked-I wanted to start a blog about being a caregiver for Otis' mom who is 83--boy that is a whole world-caregiving-I am finding out after spending 18 years in the homeschool is sure full of seasons....

Our 4 sons are men--2 of them Love the Lord-the other 2-well.... I have worked through the obvious-what did I do wrong kind of stuff and know that they have a choice but it does not take away the pain I have that they are missing out. Our oldest who is 27 married 7 years ago. He as a teenager was touched deeply in a service by God--now he is far away...his wife Deana, whom we love works where Otis does-she is so smart and sweet but I do not know her any better then when they married-she does not call but if we need her she will help...Philip who is 25 lives with us still-he has had issues for years since he was around 13...first the Goth-then the vampire obsession-then wanting to be an Indian medicine man. He has lived off and on in our home-last fall he was homeless, sick and no job...still no job-on unemployment and does not seem to have many goals-just hangs out...his friends are the same. Ben who just turned 24 is in college for graphic web design-he has great friends-he lives with us still. Daniel the baby-is full time in ministry with an anointed team that goes to churches and teen camps to do worship workshops. Look up Daniel Eric Groves--We knew Daniel had a call on his life and let me tell you to see the fulfill their calling is amazing...when they don't well it is the worst I know what you are saying in releasing your offspring..oh I still have Otis to get to know all over again...he works hard-always has...the 50's are a time certainly to grow in areas that we have been too busy to grow in you know.....????