A woman in my Bible study sent me a link with the lyrics to a song about loss--and the loss of a child particularly--that really moved my heart. What follows is my response to her and the other women in our core group.
The Lord was a very present and inexpressible comfort to me when Jordan died. There have only been a few times when I have felt so tenderly held and loved and cared for by Him as I did in those first dark and incomprehensible days of the deepest bereavement a heart can endure.
There were many times during Jordan's life and illness when his friends would ask him if he ever wondered, "Why me?" And he always said, "No, never! The question is 'Why not me?'"
We live in a fallen world. There is, thank God, great joy to be found, but there is also incredibly deep heartache and pain. He seemed to understand that and not question it or blame God.
From the time he was 2 (I am NOT making this up!) Jordan wanted nothing more than to be married and have a house full of children! He talked about it all the time--his whole life. He never got to do either. (One of my most treasured conversations with him took place after his doctor told him he probably only had another year or two to live. On the way back home, I put my hand on his leg and asked him how he was feeling about what the doc had said. I will never forget his plaintive response. "Mom, I just don't want to die a virgin!" But he did.)
Yet I know that if God promised him a beautiful wife and the best 5 kids who ever lived, he would not consider leaving the glories of heaven for this old world for even a nanosecond! I find tremendous comfort in that realization.
It was eleven years ago Easter weekend when he and I came home after a four month stay in St. Louis to a triumphant reception after his very successful heart/lung transplant. It was such a high point! He was the poster child for rebounding beyond anyones expectation, especially considering how close to death he had been going in. It was such a miracle, we thought for sure he would live a very long time and realize his dream to marry and have children.
And yet...it was not to be so.
But here is what I know: God's wisdom surpasses our feeble understanding. His grace is ever-present. Truly, His mercy endures forever! Our job, like our friend Joseph, whose life has resonated so deeply with us during our study this year, is to simply rest in His comfort, trust in His wisdom and believe in His promises with unflinching conviction. Eventually, it will all be crystal clear and we will marvel at all God has wrought.
And so we stand. With faith, with hope, with assurance. And hopefully the world takes notice.
I pray a blessed and happy and hopeful Easter for each of you!